President Obama's Teleprompter Speech Template

It's hard to escape hearing or seeing President Obama. He really seems to love hearing himself so he talks and talks and talks while saying pretty much nothing at all. It turns out there's a template used for his speeches that gets plugged into his many teleprompters. It goes something like:

I'd like to welcome blah, blah, blah, I'm blah, blah, blah, I know blah, blah, blah, I feel blah, blah, blah, I won blah, blah, blah, I will blah, blah, blah, Previous Administration blah, blah, blah, and Everyone Agrees blah, blah, blah, Therefore I Have Instructed blah, blah, blah, Michelle Says blah, blah, blah, The World Hates Us blah, blah, blah, I, I, I, Me, Me, Me.

There, now you don't have to wonder what the President is going to say. You don't have to rush to the nearest television bought with the Stimulus Package to find out anything. You've now officially heard/read every single speech he's made or will make.